Hello Readers, if you’re anything like me, you will be handsome and clever, and intelligent, if you’re not then fuck off, I don’t want the likes of you reading my site. Today I am reviewing a film review site called “The Usher” it can be found right here… http://www.kelwick.karoo.net/
First off, The design! oh my, what can i say? its horrible it looks like someone has forcefed a horse a tonne of those fridge magnet letters, then given it an enema. and held a white board up that’s captured the results, looks best in Firefox? it looks best if YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND NEVER LOOK AT IT AGAIN!!!
Well as I have never seen half of the shitty mainstream crap he’s reviewing i best have a read of his review of “Juno” which i for one thought was FUCKING UTTER HIDEOUS pretentious shite, sweeping camera angles over quirky teen “music” (and i use that in its loosest possible terms) man that film stank, i can’t think of anything to recommend in it, other than avoiding it at ALL COSTS!! anyway, did The Usher like it? well its bilge, so he is BOUND to!
“Four pregnancy tests, how did you produce that much pee?” <– he used this quote obviously he has some sort of watersports fetish, One writer! How did you manage to produce all that shit?!!?!!!
“Every couple of years a small budget, character driven quirky comedy comes along and becomes an instant cinematic gem, ‘Juno’ is one of those movies. ” No, its not! and every two years? Quantify that statement! Ghostworld was one… and er.. then there… what? its not a gem, its a turd.
“The story of a sixteen year old girl who becomes pregnant might not sound like the most original premise for a movie but Reitman and his creative team’s approach to character development and story make this one of those rare low budget, character driven gems. ”
No! its not original! they shot it in a quirky way and put crappy music over it, to make it SEEM modern, and they swore a bit… WOO! and you used the word GEM again!! Goddamnit! Wheres the gritty realism? wheres the father threatening to stick her up the cunt with a rusty coat hanger? This guy played Shillinger FFS! one of the MEANEST screen villains OF ALL TIME!! If i was 16 and i came home pregnant, I am sure my parents wouldn’t react like this, the guy who wrote this lives on some other planet, I thought a woman had written it, it was such toss. As we all know, i don’t wanna come over all misogynistic, but women can’t write for shit, when has a woman EVER written a master piece? Anne Rice eh? fuck off! hehe.. and come to think of it when has a woman ever written anything bloody funny either….
“With the characters and the story drawing you in, it is the performances of the cast that breathe life into the movie and the actors and actresses in ‘Juno’ make the movie the gem that it is. ” – Its a GEM is it? oh FFS! get a new word!!
“‘Juno’ is a gem of a movie. Drawing you into story and the characters from the first scene, this is a rare look at real teenage Americana, while still been slightly quirky.” DRAWING ME IN AGAIN IS IT??!? GEM IS IT AGAIN??!?! QUIRKY IS IT?!?! ITS SHITE! AND YOU’RE SHITE!! its still BEING slightly quirky!!! not BEEN oh GOD, you gave it how many stars?!?!
The Usher speaks? I think he should shut the fuck up!
This website is shite: Not a gem: -300/10
PS: I just fucking noticed this guy gave “Knocked up” 5 fucking stars! I am IN A RAGE about this, its probably one of the worst films i have ever seen that doesn’t have Nick Cage in it, stupid premise, All the stoners i know wouldn’t give up being stoners, even if they had CANCER. If you like this film then you might also like, Contracting AIDS or Jumping off a very high building.